We have all been there... at something that we really really want to be a part of and seeing the group of people working so well together. Well, growing up doesn't make that feeling go away. (image: Positive Med)
When I was in high school there were groups that I new I could never be a part of. They were too fashionable, they were to snobby (I didn't even try), and sometimes they were just too much of a tight knit group that no matter how hard you tried to be included you were always a periphery friend. Of course there were also those groups that I thought I wanted to be in, accepted me in, but it always felt one sided. There was a lack of reciprocation and mutual respect, and in time resulted in either someone getting hurt (usually emotionally) or me deciding it wasn't worth my effort.
One thing I have to tell you is that this feeling never goes away. You could be 15 or 55 and there will still be people who are involved in things you love that you really really want to be a part of and still can't be. There will also be people that will openly accept you into their club, but you may have to hunt for them.
This past weekend I assisted in a local drag show! This was the first time that I actually was able to help in the back room and I have to admit I loved it. I love helping people into their costumes. I love seeing the final product put together just before they go on stage, and I love taking photos of these lovely people doing what they do best.
I have to admit that I did not feel outside of the crowd. This is an 'In Crowd' that I know will welcome me in time and that is an amazing feeling. These were people who struggled and persevered into a passion that interested them even though it is not mainstream. The thing I have learnt over many years is that there is an In Crowd in ANY culture.
In high school we all think of the popular kids (you know the ones with the right shoes and who all talk behind each other's back) are the 'In Crowd' but this is not true. Every group, every culture, every subculture has their "POPULAR" kids. This is something I did a lot of work on with art projects in University. There is always a group that's an inner circle, there are always the outer circles that are still included but really have their own intersecting circles, there are always the ones that can afford things and the ones that can't, the artsy ones, the quiet ones, the boisterous ones.... they are in EVERY group.
What I learnt this weekend is that although I know I'm not in their inner circle (hopefully I can add a YET to that) there is a possibility that in time I can be. On another note though... I don't need to be part of their inner circle to feel accomplished because I have my own inner circle. I have my own friends and I do know a lot of people... to me that's a great accomplishment. I have virtual friends and I have best friends that I can tell all my little secrets and hopes and dreams too... and that's better than thinking yourself as "popular" or part of a different crowd.
So for now I will continue on the path I am on and know that I truly feel I'm taking the right steps for school. The backstage totally made my day and I could totally see myself doing this with these people. My plan to create a business in time focusing on costuming and drag clothing may not be as far fetch as I keep telling myself (stupid voices in my head sometimes need to be muzzled).
Have you had any revelations this weekend? Do you feel like you are on your path? What gave you that feeling?? Was it a moment or something slowly over time.
This weekend I feel like I found my Cutie Mark! (to all you MLP fans) Did you?
Until next time.
Keep on, Geekin' on.
Angie
PS. The Instagram Photos are mine from the show... if you want to see more check out my instagram, I've finally got it up and running! Sylvanfire
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