Monday, April 4, 2016

A school visit and a realization.

Some days I sit at the computer with a billion things I want to talk about. Well, today isn't one of those days... so let's talk about our weekend.

This past weekend I went to the open house for my new school in September. If you haven't been following along I am very excited because I got into Fanshawe College for the Fashion Design course. What's extra cool is that after this visit I'm even more excited than I originally was.

I have been to one of their open houses a few years ago when I was originally considering Fashion Design. It took me a few years to get the nerve up to apply and make sure that my household was ready (not that I think we are but we are definitely going to make the best of it). When you go to an open house the one thing I find nerve wracking is that I'm not 19 (or 17) anymore. There are a bunch of kids getting ready for College straight out of highschool... well I did that once. Right out of high school I didn't know what I wanted to do so I did an Arts Major (as in Studio Arts) at the University of Guelph. I was the wierdo that also loved math so I did all my electives in Math and Art History (to the point that if I wanted to spend an extra semester I could have got a minor in both)... but the problem was I didn't know what to do with it once I was out.

So then came the issue of the inner dialogue. For years (and honestly I still am at times) I've been fighting the inner voice that Arts isn't a "CAREER"... it's not a job that you do that gives you a stable income. I kept thinking I should go back and get an accounting designation or a business degree or even my MBA. These thoughts stayed with me for a long time and every time I started aiming at doing a creative endeavour I thought... "No, you can't do that! That's not a REAL JOB!" So I wouldn't do it. I would go... "Yeah, I guess you're right!" and back off of the thought for a while. This cyclical thought process went on for a really really long time. I got married, had kids and dogs and still thought that I had to work in an office to be worthy or something. There was a prestige or overall feeling that to SUCCEED I needed a corporate job. I needed to work a 40 hour work day in front of a computer and make it go!

But in September I finally came to my senses. I realized that a LOT of people succeed in a lot of jobs and that you need to follow the thing that pulls to you because the universe (or whatever god you may believe in) is trying to tell you something. It's saying that that stale office work may not be your life goal or something that truely makes you you. So I thought back to how excited I was at the thought of going into Fashion Design and I threw out all the thoughts that people have been thinking for me and I was accepting... the "arts isn't a career", "don't go into design go into marketing, or advertising, or etc", "are you sure that Math isn't really something you should pursue", and "you are good at art but not ARTSY so wouldn't going into an art field just irritate your more logical side". I took all those thoughts, riped them up into a thousand little pieces in my mind and set them on fire. The blaze (in my head) could be seen for thousands of miles. I was not conforming to standards... instead I was going to find the thing that I loved and that my heart called me to do.

(I love this quote by Oscar Wilde)
So I'm sitting in this orientation open house thing with a bunch of teenagers (and a few adults but I have to say none or very few of those that looked to be in their mid 30's looked to be taking the course) and said... I can do this. This is where I belong. The cool thing was when I said this to myself in my head a teacher came up to me and my husband. After talking with her for a while it really felt like that was true. I could totally relate to her... she did what I did. She went back to school in her 30's with a 3 and 5 year old. She made it work and from that she loves what she does.

I felt (and still feel) great leaving the school. I feel like I made the right choice in the school and the program. What's even cooler is everywhere I go when I'm focusing on the things I love I find other people who love it too. I find people who are open and accepting and willing to help me express my dreams, desires and wishes. I found a lovely woman at Shoppers who spent half an hour with me trying to find the right makeup for a look I wanted to do and she was so excited she was actually jumping when I showed her the pic. I've met people in different walks of life that are interested in Drag and Cosplay and want to help me figure it out while we both find out passions.

What I've realized is that you can be a very logical math kind of person and still be an extrodinarily artistic individual. Just because you are one doesn't mean you can't be the other. So instead of fighting the different sides of yourself find that thing that embraces all those sides of you as a whole.

Okay so that got a little mushy and such, but you get it! Just Do It! Whatever it is... do it! And if you need a cheering squad I would love to cheer for you too!

Until next time.
Keep on, Geekin' on.