Today is one of those days... I'm so preoccupied with all the things happening in my life at the moment I am actually having a hard time thinking about what to post about. I considered Hair ideas (because seriously I need a new style again) and then I thought about Etsy... and I settled on talking about trying to get out of my own way. (image: inspiration boost)
What do I mean?
Well, we all have those goals. You know what I'm talking about. The things we love, the things we like and the things we feel like we need to do but aren't always wanting to do them. Well, lately that's a lot of things. I am so pumped with School in September, getting ready for my event on Sunday (which I'm totally freaking out about and don't feel totally prepared as I would like to be... but when are we ever totally prepared) and just general fun and interesting things with my kids (like skating, and going to the library, and such).
I feel like I have so much going on that I can't to anything I have going on. I know that totally doesn't make sense but the time it takes to prepare for all the things I feel like I'm slacking in all the things. It doesn't help that I never do very well in January and February. I just can't shake the messed up head space that these months get me... so instead of being motivated and getting shit done, I choose to sit on my couch eating junk food.
This really sucks when I know (since having kids) I have a less than satisfied body image (I fake it really well) and feel like I really need to get back into something physical. Yes, I am trying to go skating at least once a week with my daughter but seriously. Have you ever tried skating with a two year old? It's really not the calisthenics that I'm needing. I'm not saying I'm not in decent shape because I know that there is a lot of body shamming out there. I do tend to like myself but at the same time everyone doesn't like something... and at least if I ever get the motivation the something I don't like is totally dealable. It's just a matter of doing.
And that's the key... doing. I've been trying to figure out how I can make an extra income while home and then in school and I have a few good ideas... but they require DOING. They need me to be on point, get out of my own way and just DO! My issue is I fall into the tomorrow trap. I don't feel like moving today so I say... oh I'll get that done tomorrow. But tomorrow comes and there are other things that happen and I don't get them done. I blame me... I blame the fact that I need to push myself and right at the moment I'm having issues doing that. I go... oh that sounds great... I really think that would work. BUT! Yes,... the dreaded BUT. But I'm tired, but my kids don't sleep more than 3 hours in a row, but I have all this laundry to do, but the puppy has been alone for most of the day, but I want to watch this show, but, but, but. I'm SO SICK OF BUT. I think I need to figure out a no but challenge. I need to challenge myself to not saying BUT! If I go... I need but... I will stop. I will assess.... do I need? Because seriously sometimes when I say need it's not really a need but a want. If I need, do I need NOW? Is this something that is time sensitive. Is the need real? There are things that aren't real needs... they are really just wants but we don't want to classify them in the wants. Why am I saying BUT? Am I saying it cause I'm actually having the issue or is it laziness, or fear of failure.
That's the key... am I so afraid to start because I'm afraid to fail?? If I don't start I can't fail but at the same time I can't succeed. I can't say "I did it!". I know that was my issue applying for school... then in a whirlwind I applied. Now that I applied I was afraid I wouldn't get in, but I did! Now that I got in I'm afraid of the amount of time needed to be committed to the course, I'm afraid of failing it, of not learning the things I am taking the course to learn.
I do not want to go back to a regular office job but the difficulty of being a stay at home mom and trying to find the time to create a home business is real. There's something about being home with the kids that it gets difficult to even start... being kids are really a full time job on their own. This is not an excuse but a fact.
So, even though it's not New Years, and I guess Lent has already started and I'm not really wanting to give up something (nor am I particularly religious to any real means). I need to start! and to start I work better with goals.... so here they are for all of you to keep me accountable.
1) keep posting with you awesome people about all the cool geeky things I love and all the other things that may not totally be geeky but I still geek out about.
2) stop wasting time. I know I love my shows but instead of only working for a short period of time each night after kids go to bed (yes I start after 9pm) then wanting to watch shows I need to focus on my goals and forgo shows... or work on stuff while watching shows. There's no reason I can't cut out fabric and work on drawings while watching Agent Carter or Lucifer...
3) Multi-task, and be productive. If I'm making multiple of a singly item... don't make them one at a time. There's no reason I can't cut out 2 or 3 at once and them sew them all at the same time. It would be more productive than doing them separately.
4) Allow time for something active, that DOESN'T involve the kids. There's something to be said about including your kids in most aspects of your life, but there is also something to be said about taking 30 minutes to run the dog or do something that is active and for me... without them.
5) trust others so parent as well as I can. As most mom's part of my issue is not giving up enough responsibility for my children to others... this includes my husband, my mother, and even the kids themselves. There is no reason I can't let them play in their room for half an hour while I sew... it's seriously just down the hall. So stop making excuses, they are more capable than you think!
Okay so this little post turned into a long rant... I guess I was due for one.
I'd love to hear if you have any advice on doing it all... and not killing anyone LOL.
Until next time.
Keep on, Geekin' on.
Angie
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